Who We Are

Life as a medical wife can sometimes be difficult. Many women struggle with resentment, exhaustion, loneliness and isolation. They've often been uprooted from their families and moved away from home, in order for their husband to build his career. For those who have children, they often feel like a single mom with almost all the childrearing responsibility falling on them.

That's where Side by Side steps in. We believe there is something unique about the support other medical wives can offer each other. We offer women a place where people understand what they are going through, where they find friends and surrogate family members, where they find help and companionship.

Side by Side is a national outreach ministry to medical wives, including all wives of medical and dental students, residents, fellows, as well as the wives of practicing physicians and dentists. It is non-denominational and evangelical in nature. Founded in Rochester, MN, it is now a branch of Christian Medical/Dental Association.

Marriage Moment: Handling Disagreements in a Mature Way

Sarah Groves describes it well in her song, It's Me, "Weather came and caught us off guard/ we were just laughing and feelin' alright/ had such a great time just last night/ we walked into a minefield undetected/ you took a tone and I took offense/ anger replacing all common sense/ oh run for your life/ all tenderness is gone/ in the blink of an eye/ all good will has withdrawn/..."

It's so true! It happens so quickly. You took a tone and I took offense. How many times has that happened in your marriage? The next thing you know, you are pulling back. You want to protect your heart so you move away from the hurt. I've done it, have you?

Gary Thomas writes in his book, Sacred Marriage. The chapter is called, "Falling Forward".
"Many years ago, I and a few close friends celebrated our high school graduation by hiking on Mount Rainier. Before I attempted to jump a fast-moving creek, one of my friends advised me, "Just make sure you fall forward." The advise was well heeded. Even if I didn't make the jump, as long as I kept my momentum going forward, I wouldn't be swept into the stream.
The advice has stayed with me down through the years, as I believe that Christian marriage is also about learning to fall forward. Obstacles arise, anger flares up, and weariness dulls our feelings and our senses. When this happens the spiritually immature respond by pulling back, becoming more distant from their spouse, or even seeking to start over with somebody "more exciting" Yet maturity is reached by continuing to move forward past the pain and apathy. 'Falls are inevitable. We can't control that, but we can control the direction in which we fall--toward or away from our spouse.
When disagreements arise, the natural tendency is to flee. Rather than work through the misunderstanding, (or sin), we typically take a much more economical path--we search for another church, another job, friend, spouse, etc. Mature adults realize that every relationship involves conflict, confession and forgiveness. ...The absence of conflict demonstrates that either the relationship isn't important enough to fight over or that both individuals are too insecure to risk disagreement.
Conflict provides an avenue for spiritual growth. To resolve conflict, by definition we must become more engaged, not less. Just when we want to "tell the other person off, " we are forced to be quiet and listen to their complaint. Just when we are most eager to make ourselves understood, we must strive to understand. Just when we seek to air our grievances, we must labor to comprehend another's hurt. Just when we want to point out the fallacies and abusive behaviour to someone else, we must ruthlessly evaluate our own offensive attitudes and behaviors.
It's this self-emptying act of understanding that explains how successfully negotiated conflict creates an even stronger bond in the end. " (Again, the above was taken from Gary Thomas's book, Sacred Marriage)

I recently heard one of our new Side by Side medical student's spouse, Kristen Gonzelas describe this very thing when she and her husband, Vince, were newly married. This is her story:

"My husband and I moved to Boston just 2 weeks after getting married in our pursuit of medical school. We did not have any family or friends out there but felt it would be a fresh new start into our marriage. We moved into a 600 sq. foot apartment and quickly learned that privacy did not exist in our new home. When we would argue or have a fight, we soon realized that neither one of us had a place to retreat. Sitting down, listening and discussing our difference of opinions was the only way to resolve our problems. Living there for 2 years and establishing this direct approach of working out of problems, brought us closer than we could have imagined. We are not only each others spouses but we became each others best friends. I wouldn't trade those tight quarters for anything as they brought my husband and I to be an even stronger couple."

Next time conflict arises and you are tempted to flee or become defensive, move toward your spouse and talk through your differences instead.

Beth

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